When I signed up for yoga teacher training, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn’t know this choice would cause a major shift in my life, or that its reach would extend far beyond the sphere of my physical yoga practice.
I initially considered teacher training because I wanted to understand yoga at a deeper level. I was practicing yoga, yes, but I wanted more. I wasn’t sure what “more” there was, but if I was going to find it, I was pretty sure it would be in teacher training. I had thought about signing up before, but it never felt like the right time. I worked a salary position with 50+ hour weeks that included nights and weekends. I tried to keep up with my relationship, family, and friends, while also practicing aerial silks and yoga in my spare time. I was already leading a busy life. Yet, even with these preexisting commitments, I was still curious. I hesitantly requested some information from my yoga studio. The training took place from 8 a.m. – 6 p.m. on Saturday, and 8 a.m. – 12 p.m. on Sunday, every weekend for 12 weeks.
This was a big commitment, and I continued to make excuses. I was going to miss two weekends because I was taking a vacation to Greece with my girlfriends from high school. Plus, the weekends were the only time that I got to spend with my boyfriend. I had so many reasons why I supposedly shouldn’t sign up, and yet, I felt like this was something I needed.
With this feeling fresh in my mind, I decided to trust my intuition and take the risk. I emailed my studio, and made the down payment for the class. The response I got back from my soon-to-be teacher made me feel like she understood the situation without ever having met me.
So excited that you are feeling called to join us for this round of teacher training. In my experience you just know when it’s right and everything else can be worked out 🙂
She was right, everything else could be worked out, or so I hoped. I requested weekends off work for 12 weeks, which they surprisingly agreed to, and set-up a schedule to spend time with my boyfriend whenever possible outside of training hours. So with the logistics squared away, on a sunny Saturday morning in August, I made my way to my first class.
This class, and every subsequent class that I attended over the 12 week period, slowly shifted my view of both myself and the world around me.
So many intense and deeply personal things were shared within the walls of that yoga classroom, and I would never betray the trust of my fellow teacher training tribe by sharing them. Yet, these details aren’t needed to understand the ideas and concepts that I learned throughout this training. I understand now why there isn’t more information available about what goes on during yoga teacher training. The experience is an internal exploration of self, and the results are based upon how much of yourself you are willing to give and take along the way.
With that being said, the experience is different for everybody. However, these are the most surprising things that I learned throughout my personal journey of yoga teacher training:
Yoga is a mental practice, even more so than a physical one.
This may seem obvious to some, thinking about yogic practices such as meditation, focus, and intention setting. However, the intense mental exertion required throughout the entirety of our teacher training was by far the most surprising and exhausting aspect for me. Intentionally, and unintentionally, I felt as though I observed or analyzed every aspect of my life and personality. External factors such as my work habits, relationships, family, and friends were to be expected, but then things began to shift towards my identity as a person, my desires, spirituality, and thoughts about life and death. All of this was compounded by our reading, daily journaling, and meditation practice. None of this was required, but through exposure to new ideas, knowledge, and discussion in a safe space, our entire class seemed to make this internal journey of discovery, each in our own way.
Being a yoga teacher means that you are forever a student of the universe.
As with any type of class or study, there is a lot of new information to learn and process. However, in yoga specifically, most of this information isn’t something that you can just write down and memorize. It has to be learned, experienced, and lived. To study to be a yoga teacher is to study everything from anatomy and physical postures, to chakras and Ayurveda, and to then apply these ideas to bodies and minds of all shapes and sizes. What works for you, could be completely different for somebody else. What works today, could not work tomorrow. In this way, you are forever a student of the universe, absorbing the knowledge and experiences around you and using them to continue your own path of growth.
“When you reach for the stars, you are reaching for the farthest thing out there. When you reach deep into yourself, it is the same thing, but in the opposite direction. If you reach in both directions, you will have spanned the universe.”
– Vera Nazarian
Yoga has no right or wrong.
Coming to terms with this idea was a challenging process for me. I also know that not all yoga teachers, or those who have gone through yoga teacher training, would agree with this. Being a student in a class environment, I was looking for somebody to tell me the answer. Yet time and time again my teacher simply responded, “What do you think?”
I thought that yoga had set postures, and styles of breathing, and that many of those Asanas and Pranayamas had Sanskrit names which defined them. Therefore, I thought that there must be a predetermined and correct way of doing them.
In reality, the physical yoga that we practice today evolved very recently in the 20th century. (You can read this article about it by Mark Singleton on Yoga Journal if you’re interested.) Along with this evolution came many different styles of modern yoga, each with their own standard. In addition, as previously mentioned, what works for one body type does not work for all body types. There is no right or wrong in yoga because it is all contingent upon what you are doing, and more importantly why you are doing it. This why includes your reasoning for the physically, mentally, and spiritually beneficial aspects of each posture, sequence, flow, and breath. If you can understand your why, then being right or wrong no longer matters.
Trust yourself so that others can find trust in you.
Some aspects of being a yoga teacher require strength and confidence. In this role, you take on the responsibility of leading others into new and often unknown spaces. People are relying on you to care for them, and to create a safe space in which they can practice. As a yoga teacher you need to hold space, be present, and whole heartedly show up for yourself and those around you. Yet, as a newly certified yoga teacher, it can be intimidating to put yourself in that position. Going back to the idea of being a student of the universe, it can feel like you have an innumerable amount of things still to learn. However, for all the questions that yoga teacher training left me with (and believe me there were a lot), it also solidified the essential need for me to trust myself. The search for knowledge is an endless journey, not a destination. Although I don’t know everything, I know enough to teach. I put in the time, dedication, and mental effort to become a certified yoga teacher, and that in and of itself makes me worthy. I learned that finding trust in myself was essential, especially if I wanted my students to feel safe and confident trusting me as their teacher.
Authenticity is of higher value than perfection.
While not having a definitive right or wrong answer was a challenge, the idea of releasing perfection became my greatest battle. Even after I taught my one hour yoga final, and even after I graduated and received my certificate, it was still a struggle. Even to this very day it is still something that I’m working through. The most confusing thing was that I didn’t realize it was something I was dealing with until after teaching my final. During my final I followed the correct sequence, gave appropriate cues, improvised as needed, and presented a fun and unique flow. But, I don’t even remember teaching the class. I was so nervous, and it was such a blur. I regurgitated all the information I had memorized, and I thought I had done it fairly well. The problem was that I wasn’t present, holding space, or whole heartedly there for myself or my students.
When I look at this idea about authenticity and perfection written out, it seems logical and almost obvious. However, honestly, it just didn’t sit well with me. It is very hard to practice being your most authentic self, but you can practice perfection, or at least work really hard to be nearly perfect. For some people, being asked to embrace and express their authentic self is a blessing that society so often deprives them of. For some it is easy, and merely requires being themselves. But I was not that person.
I recently read an article by Anne Helen Petersen on Buzzfeed News in which she speaks about needing to “optimize [oneself]…to be the very best,” in reference to the millennial generation and burnout in our lives. My teacher had phrased it as “putting on your strong suit.” Either way you look at it, that is what I had been doing my whole life. I had been doing it for so long I wasn’t even aware of it anymore. I thought that the outward expression of my emotions didn’t help me succeed, so I suppressed them. I thought that asking for help made me weak, so I strived for self-sufficiency. I thought that not being good at something meant that I had failed, so I stopped trying new things I wasn’t already good at. I optimized myself so well that I couldn’t even begin to tell you what aspects of myself, if any, were genuine and original. The thing was, I thought that all of this had been working, right up until teaching my yoga final. After I taught that final, and had the very rude awakening that my methods of time, dedication, and study weren’t enough on their own, I completely broke down.
I was upset and angry. How could the path to being a better yoga teacher require something that I didn’t possess, and wasn’t sure how to find? In a long, and probably overdue breakdown, I developed symptoms of sudden onset anxiety, quit my job because of this anxiety, started going to therapy, and started to cry A LOT. Everything that I built myself up to be flew out of the window in a two week period. I was very emotional, very vulnerable, asking for a lot of help, and primarily doing things that I didn’t already know how to succeed in. It was a scary time. However, when I got to the very bottom of this space, I finally found some clarity. My search for personal perfection was what eventually brought about my downfall. On the other hand, the slow rediscovery of my authentic self had the power to save me.
I’m not there yet. I’m still deep in the midst of learning and growth. Yet, my deeply suppressed genuine self is starting to emerge. There is beauty in being able to rediscover my wants, needs, desires, and forms of personal expression. I can sense the lightness and peace of mind which might eventually surface if I continue down this path.
This journey has not been an easy one. Had you told me from the start everything that was going to ensue as a result of yoga teacher training, I’m not sure I would have chosen this path. However, standing here on the other side and looking back, I am so grateful that I did. These five lessons that I learned, while surprising, have been both life changing and unforgettable. As I move forward with this yoga teaching adventure I know these core values of self-study, trust, and authenticity will help to lead the way. With a more open heart and mind, I am incredibly excited to continue this experience, and to take in everything the universe has to offer along the way.